I'm guessing they don't have engineering degrees. Or a high school diploma. Or know how to spell "gravity".

This is why I only ride motorcycles in video games, and in stories I make up to impress women.

Unless Kim Kardashian has a kid and accidentally swallows it with her ass, your 2010 parents of the year are right here.

Poor bastard - now all of his Totino's Pizza Rolls are going to taste like blood. Which actually might be an upgrade from their normal anus flavoring.

I know it looks bad, but within six months he's gonna be in the Guinness book for being the first person to masturbate using only his own feet.

When you think of being in your retirement age you now have this and shitting in your pants to look forward to. Being old sucks.

Anti-lock brakes are a pretty useful invention. Too bad Brazil hasn't figured that the fuck out yet.

Smoking weed at 2 in the afternoon is cool until someone starts making you do math. That shit's hard.

If you're not pavement, stop fucking acting like pavement.

He'd probably be a tad more angry about this if he was 5 years older and knew the fun he could be having with that hand... by punching hookers.