He was super pissed when he found out his 18 piece bucket was chicken, and not delicious kitten.

Knocking out old people is easier than stealing Werther's Originals from babies...wait, was that the other way around? Knocking out babies is easier than stealing Werther's Originals from old people...Meh, both are easy as fuck.

If only he paid attention to racial stereotypes he would still have his iPhone right now.

I should start using public transit, I'm clearly missing all the fun, like being spat at by homeless crackheads with Hepatitis C.

Wait. Hold the fucking phone!..There are black people in Alaska?

And to think just a few weeks earlier they were sucking each other's cocks. Those gay breakups can be pretty harsh.

Watching old people fight is like watching a midget fuck. It's funny...but also sad and awkward...but really funny...but still awkward.

Those security guards should have just let them continue their little fight, eventually they'd pass out from overexerting themselves trying to land a punch.

The first rule of Dance Club is that you don't dance, you fucking fight. Then when your foes have been knocked out cold it's time to dance around them.

You can practically smell the drunken skank sweat oozing out of this video. And possibly herpes too.

Those punches were so weak he might as well have been blowing bubbles at his cheek.

Since winners in drunken bitch fights are determined by who keeps the most hair attached to their head while exposing the least amount of G-string, I think it's safe to say she lost.