If you're not groceries, don't fucking act like groceries.

If the husband forgets the date of his anniversary, maybe he can just think of the time he smashed the absolute shit out of a biker. It might spark a memory.

What the hell was he doing out in his wheelchair in the rain anyway? That'll cause irreparable rust.

That's what they get for being all environmentalisty with their public transportation and their Go Green hats.

Last week when I got a speeding ticket for going 75mph in a school zone, I prayed to God and Obama that bad things would happen to all cops. Well, now I feel bad.

What you can't see is Epic Beard Guy kicking the shit out of him just before he got off the bus. Another victory for EBG.

Damn! Whoever put up that fence is probably fucking pissed.

Before this video, I've never felt bad for someone getting killed by a bull. And I still don't.

I heard the best thing to do after getting a concussion is to immediately fall asleep. Sometimes you die, but that's okay.

You can just tell she's the type of girl that needs to be stabbed repeatedly during sex.