He was trying to make the 11:00AM cut off for McGriddles but it didn't happen. Now he's wobbling around like every white girl in an interracial relationship.

I swear I heard the soundtrack to Metal Gear Solid 4 in there. A game that trains you in both espionage and sexually assaulting people through 8x10 cardboard boxes. I own 4 copies of it.

Everyone thought it would be funny to use their retarded friend to beta test the line. And they were right.

The amazing part is him springing back to his feet in under 5 seconds. You can't even acquire a genital disease from a Sudanese prostitute that quickly.

Every female in China called. They said thanks for making us look good.

Check out what the truck that stopped in front of him is carrying. Irony to us, forcing people to upgrade to Suzuki.

That looks like an 8.5. Minus 1 point for not sticking the landing, and .5 for driving the wrong fucking way. Enjoy the edit.

Hopefully she was okay because nothing kills the first day of spring mood quite like torn asshole all over the road.

Letting a 1-eyed man named Guillermo hook up your gas lines. Not even once.

No matter what happens in Turkey it will always be the only country that makes me festively hungry when it's name is said. That's gotta be worth something.

Apparently he was on his way to beat up Dr. Dre, because there's no other fucking explanation for that mugshot.

After seeing his (lack of) reaction you'll probably slap your girlfriend in the face if she ever whines about her period again. Snorkeling amberlamps - call 'em.